Missing the Race

Tortoise shell, tell me you're out there.
Can you see them run faster?
They are passing by, you wait for the sign.

Slow and steady is racing
Moving along in the slow lane
Not moving at all though, so are you afraid?

Would you rather hide in that shell and wait?
Disguising your eyes obscuring your face.
Well, have it your way, just to do your own thing.
In the end no one wins, our bodies are writhing
The exhaustion from running is wearing me thin

DJ play that song

I've been waiting
The sound never came through
There is a song I've been hoping to hear from you
Played gently
the notes drifting softly over a nice cup of tea
but maybe I have the wrong radio station
because the melody never came
I never heard your voice
Sing that song of newly discovered time-space machines
I heard a different song or two
Some other musician's tunes
The music is pretty good so I'll keep listening
I'm still open to all different kinds of genres and muses
My guitar keeps my company most of the time anyway
I do still like the recordings of what other people do
Writing songs together might be the thing too
Write a whole new tune about discovering
and mastering the universe
What words would we write?
How many lines would it require
To express the deepest connections to the earth
To forces of drifting deaths and births
and cycles of hearts beating and sounds of life's breath?
This is what our song would be
An homage to the life, to unity
and to the fullness of truth
For now, I'll keep listening for distant sounds from you

My Triniti

I remember all those years ago
when I first saw you
You came into that weird little office training room
and I recognized you
Only I didn't
But I had already been told so much about your soul
And it was a totally random place to
run into you
Since it was such an unknown little niche
Of a magazine sales group
I had no idea that you worked there
But the minute I saw you I knew
Our connections to each other
were completely obscure
Dane used to talk about what an amazing person you were
Then there was Oliver
We both had our run-in with the darker side of his nature
(Now of course, he is a much different
He gave up his ghosts long ago
He's married to another old friend
They also have three children
We don't have much to say to each other
though I still talk to her
A bit, now and then)
From that first moment, you and I were
constantly connected
By magic, by friendship,
by a higher calling
Neither of us truly understood back when
I remember the piece of petrified wood
You brought me back from a trip that you took
I remember talking forever about everything in the universe
I wish I could remember any of the words
Then you left
I was already heading into what would become my own darkness
You were headed to a life of making roots
And for over a decade I heard nothing from you
After many years of searching
I had already given up hope
A few months later you appeared out of smoke
Now what?
We never finished some kind of work
Not that anyone's work is ever done in their own lives
But you and I
We have a work to do that is unified
I'm just not clear yet
On how, what or why
The details will make sense over time
I'm just glad to have you back in my life

Natural

Do you remember when life stood before you
as a sea of endless possibilities?
It seemed as if the
future rested on infinity
Infantile beliefs
Because some things, no matter how much you dream
Or how much energy you concentrate
Simply can't be
There are laws to abide, and
though they are constantly changing
For some hopes, the laws don't change fast enough
There may not be just one way or
Just one anything that is the only
But evolution is limited
by realistic constraints
By concurrent events for example
Timing and locus of space
Compatible elements are also considerations
Is it natural selection?
Or does that answer lie with
Predestination?
Or is it somewhere in the center
Like a choose your own adventure
Where the options you have
the power to choose between
are just a few
and whoever wrote the damn book
Was the one who arranged them for you
So the degree of decision is fixed in at least some ways
Just like political democracy
Just like when your mother asked
if you wanted a something in blue or green?
Fusia just wasn't one of those choices
Some people have more possibilities than others
Sometimes it's a random luck of the draw
Sometimes it has to do with what you happened upon
Or who happened upon you
For some of us I guess
being limited is somewhat good
It's easy to get lost when there is too much to choose from
So having some of the direction of life
Seem more or less inevitable
As if there was really the only thing in the end that even made any sense
Can sometimes feel wonderful
Maybe there is some kind of guiding force
Leading us to the road we are best equipped to explore
That we have all the built in abilities for
Where our talents will be the most use
But then this whole thought process
Comes from someone who enjoys privileges
That lots of people all over the globe will never know
Does happiness depend on the freedom to choose?
Or in making each moment count for something
more than what you have been limited to?

Nerve Damage

I think I'm losing my senses
A senseless fear I am having
Nerves are a tangled mess
I am standing here quietly
Part of my nervousness is
That I will lose this feeling
and my legs will give in or
That the earth will disappear beneath or
That a cycle is repeating
and I will be lost wandering.
I forget the words
Then begin to stutter it out
don't move, don't even breathe
Till it all breaks down,
shattered images of dreams
Is this a smoke screen?
Meant to test my balance?
virtual vertigo has me shaking
My equilibrium is shot
Still I feel like I can hear the voice call
through the entanglement of feelings
pitched at a high frequency
The sound barely audible
'Fly' it seems to yell,
or is it saying 'slide'?
I'll try to keep my grounding
and walk forward
Hoping my eyes are really open
so I can see the whole time
Which direction I am going

Stratum

The layers of me
toposphere
subdivided by geography
geologically speaking
mountainous peaks
and deep valleys
let's not forget the rivers
and lakes and numerous oceans
rolling hills and
flat fertile land
there is enough to be occupied
just trying to understand
my surface variability
Then if you can dig deep
And make your way
through the crusty layer
being careful to avoid
the tectonic plates
if you're short on luck
some seriously dangerous quakes could errupt
You could find yourself stuck
trying to break though the mantle
It's a pretty tough shell
But underneath
if you ever managed to reach it
is the core of my being
that is mostly this hot liquid
source of iron rich energy

Clocks

How long is long enough?
How soon is too soon for love?
Does the heart understand
the passing...

of clocks

tick
tock
tick
tack
Bong!

goes the beating of drums

Can you know right away
which experiences are the ones that last long?
If you look through the veil
can you see what awaits?
Or is there always a period
of appropriate waiting?
Before you can know
If what you feel is merely fleeting
Or the kind of thing of future dream's making...
I'll keep my eye on the time


until...

The alarm starts !! R I N G I N G !!

The I can begin screaming

"It's finally time for love!!"

Proportional Matters

While some wait
hoping for a sign to illuminate the stones
Others move forward
Walking with bold force toward
what the heart wants
what the soul needs
They can hear an inner voice
ushering them on
Trusting the dark energy of intuition
Over the illusion of light given by photons
What is the Universe made of?
From what astronomers theorize
it would seem mostly unknown materials
So where do we find ourselves
relying on rational thought alone?
Somewhere wandering in the flat confines of space
where time is as relative as location of place
Does it matter then,
if you depend on the energy portion
of Einsteins equation?
Equating it all with pure energy
and trusting something that you can feel
rather than see
giving extra weight
to the scales of of intuition over reason
Making the gut's feelings shine brighter
Than what the mind can perceive

Aether this is or is not

Time becomes irrelevant
days become weeks
and years become seconds
there is only this face
fading in rather than out
eons have passed since the last
or our first embrace
Cleopatra herself had not
graced books of loves history
since we were last together
imaginations glory
inventing stories to tell children
creativity flows freely
between our souls
The joy of made up memories
or remembering what
has not yet happened
Both are much the same
both lead to a future of
your own making
and a past that is the future
Nothing much matters
in the scheme of things
So why not give in
to the process of remembering
what you already know
I was like a thirsty traveler
alone in the dessert
suddenly water arose
from air under my nose
I drank from that fountain
and the water was real
and quenched my thirst
I can't seem to leave it's comfort
Less it disappear
turning out to be a mirage
of all my hopes

Inspired

Inspirations come in many forms
Like the perfume of a magnolia
With it's huge white flowers, petals unfurled
Or the sudden appearance
Of a form once familiar
Smiling with remembrance
Energetic connection that's brilliant
Could be a missive
some sacred words you desperately needed
a sentiment with abstruse meaning
Even the messenger can't understand the feeling
Whatever has inspired, however divine
It is in these moments that life feels alive

The other side on my way to the end...

The forces have frozen,
no signs of disarming,
the air is arctic and
locutions hang.
Dissemination of allure,
dissolving into aversion.
Find myself wishing,
like I never have before,
for the soft folds of warm blankets,
heat of arms to wrap around.
White flag is waving
the sound an echo,
silence like frosted metal
shroud between worlds

Reality Check

I need some experiential material
my writing is becoming drab and meaningless
the "you" is so generic
because the absence of person is so apparent
Living a life of the ascetic
without even intending it
I want to get to the stuff of being alive
all I can do from here is make up fictional lives
to be intimate with
after a while
it's really fucking boring

Many bodies of love...

One form, soft and
curves that swirl around in circles
sweet feminine lines
I could spend all night
The other figure rough
with geometry tumbling
My own body feeling soft underneath
breathing in the scent of sweat
and feeling the force of love
Moving fluidly along the spectrum
of sexual tensions
My fantasies tonight include both specimens
Of beautiful human potential

Flood Waters

Washed along the flume
Cherry blossom blooms
This storm has caused
a flood in every watershed
All along the loam
The caves are caving in
you aren't safe in them
So come out of your hiding space
a rainbow is approaching

Diving In

I'm looking for a deep body of water
Someplace with a spot
where there aren't too many rocks
and I can feel safe and confident
That it would be a sensual pleasure to dive in
The sensation of breaking the tension of the surface
with my hands stretched out, body extended
and how the warmth of the liquid
would cover over me whole
opening my eyes underneath
To look out at the colors of the aquatic forms

Fire or stone?

Between brick and fire
Which to choose?
One gives you a stable home
One ignites your heart with poems
One grounding, the other disintegrating
Love can be a blaze with passions coals
Or it can be a dry place and somewhat cold
Can you have both?
A grounded union, that is also like nuclear fusion?
A place to find comfort as well as fury?
I sure hope so
They are both the love I want

Prayer to the Universe

Please help me to open my heart chakra
so that love may enter as much as departs
Please help me open my throat chakra
So that I may speak truth at each moment
Please help me open my third eye chakra
so that I may see clearly what direction I need
and, oh wait, one more thing
also give me the strength to proceed
Show me forgiveness
so that I may forgive
and give me the courage
to climb one more hill

One Love

It is You to whom I speak
and you who has sparked my match
who has flung me from the depths of my creative hollow
and given me the power
to remember what my inner voice's needs are
If I might be so bold
as to express how I feel in the safety of these words
I've given out love for reason's much more dull
and I love whatever gives me inspiration
and I can't tell you how
You have gifted me with yourself
and inspired in me so much
and so I love Yyou
and I know what you'll say though
I don't even know you
Some people are afraid of that word
they believe can only be
a very particular and certain kind of feeling
Reserved for one kind of person
But love, my friend, for me
Is an act of warmth and respect
The way I honor what I see in you
Which is the divinity that makes you You
and I elect to love Yyou fully
With no obligations of a story
Love is a gift
I want to share
honor with action
But it doesn't really mean much more that that
Until I learn about the meat, bones and flesh
That makes You you
That's about as far as this love can get
at this juncture
Just a simple recognition
and deep appreciation
that I Am me
and you are You
and we are the We
who are all connected with Love anyway

Coincidental Moment

Is it so difficult to recognize
when something magic has arrived?
Something so special that words can't surmise
the beauty of its arrival?
Like two people passing each other
stopping briefly to share eye contact.
Feeling a pulse of confusion,
wondering if it's imagination or maybe delusion
or if there is a shared sense of connection
like knowing each other is somehow important.
Do you shrug off the sensation?
Toss it off to a coincidence of location?
Or do you make the leap of faith
and take the risk of rejection?
Letting yourself be open
to something you can't know yet.

A poem by RUmi I find inspiring...

LOOKING For Your Face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for.

Today I have found you
and those that laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did.

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you with a hundred eyes.

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold.

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine.

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow.

My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you

Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
and you have made radiant
for me
the earth and sky.

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer.

Ativan

This medication is making a drone out of me
but at least I am not constantly on the brink of tears
thinking and fears overpowering
my normal nature of will and exuberance
I am sorting through the mess of complicated emotions
and well, I am a pisces, so I have that watery disposition
that makes difficult times feel like a wave toppling over me
but everything is all right and I will be fine
and I know deep within that I need to reach some inner peace
through this process where I will finally understand
what is happening in my body and my brain
so I can move toward the steps to regain my usual and more cheerful state