Denial

Always wanting to be more

Trying to be stronger

I pretend that I have no feelings

The only one I can fool is myself

Fooling my own heart into repression

Now that sadness is bubbling up

The sign are saying it will erupt

If I don't allow it a voice to scream with

Ajya my love

Finally the mourning greets me

Or, should I say, finally I can greet the mourning

Six circles around the sun to realize my loss

These pangs of regret and fear that I am grappling

that I had been shoving into the closet

Do threaten to take me down

Did I really make the right choice?

Was it all worth what I've left behind?

It's easy to keep the wolves at bay

When you're in a constant motion around them

Its in the stillness that the threat is bare

How easily the tears now flow

Remembering that beating heart

Feeling your life grow inside of me

I am sorry that I let you go

These words I was so afraid to speak

They now echo into my heart

I see the other ones grow

I wonder what your face would look like

I wonder what your eyes would say

I wonder how your tiny hands might feel

Here I am with this feeling of alone

Alone without you to love

You had given me a chance

To really love someone

And I chose to love someone else

Someone in the future

Someone who may never arrive

So here are tears of mourning

For my child's loss of life

I am starting to see

It's not that I've been deceived

But the truth of your present is bleeding

bleeding out from the image of your potential

Is there any room dear?

You seem to have it all under wraps

just loose enough to let me stand under

then with one swift pull

you push me out and

shut yourself in

I don't quite fit

You want to keep it all to yourself

because that's the way it is I guess

Moon Moods

Oh this familiar flood

The water rushes on

and drenched my heart with a sadness I can't be sure of

Why do we seek such pain?

when we have something so great?

I shouldn't be so afraid to disappoint you

I can't always be the one

you think I ought to

and this life is my own

I will never be perfect

So give me the chance

To be who I am

Make sure you aren't projecting your own ideas