You're hiding something.
Behind the mask of "truth seeking"
behind the guise of buddha reason
behind the smile you wear so easy,
there is something that is missing.
I don't know you well enough
to know for sure what is hidden,
but I can feel it.
Like I could feel the energy between us,
when you first kissed me.
Like I can feel your nervousness
that I might see you
as you are
and not as you want to be visioned.
I only want the real thing.
I am willing to work through any of it.
But I won't hang around
if you don't open your heart and
let the light into the shadowy parts.
I require a lot of the people I share
my mind, my body and my heart with.
If you want to be with me,
if you want to discover how
amazing my love is,
then let me in.

Transformations

Walking backward, walking forward

Turning circles around the driveway that is missing

I enter this house a new person

I enter this house the same girl I always was

I enter this house to exit my past

I am covered in paint and bleach

I am missing you

I walk through the doorway

scratched and dirty

Into the room that is striving for living

I sit down in the chaos of my existence

Yearning for order and peace

Searching for some kind of vision

I retreat

I pass the book shelf you built

Sturdy and beautiful

look down at the floor that wears the tear of your years

This room is empty

half of her removed, remnants of you remain

Still in process of becoming a healthy space for me

The new light fixture casting pale blue on the clean walls

Moving up through the broken treads of the stairs

I find solace in my bathtub

Submerge myself like I did when I was

small enough to fit so easily here

Claw foot comforts as the water covers my face

I scream underwater

I scream into nothing and no one can hear this

I lay and remember

Moving in Stillness

The forward reach that seeks to be somewhere other than where you exist.

Seems to be a misuse of kinetic energy, according to the Buddha sphere

but should inertia replace, that is the active static state of going nowhere,

because energy that sits too still becomes stagnation and eventually decline.

It seems clear that movement is part of a healthy energetic existence,

but how do you keep moving while still staying present enough to be right here?