Unavailable

What a funny way to understand myself
through the reflection of the you
that was the me that I was projecting
While you were deflecting
It told me everything I need to know
About why I have this dichotomy
of wanting to love what is unavailable
because I know it can't love me back
because in truth I am not ready to be loved
at least not yet
and certainly not too much
I only attract that kind of love so that I can reject it
While this kind I reach out for,
and at the same time wouldn't really want
if it was given to me,
it's the one I hold on for
just hoping to enjoy it for the physical joy
because I am a girl who is so shallow
as to want to love for fun
and then be happy
to walk away
both of us unscathed
and only someone who is unavailable would be able to
share love with me in this way and not be afraid
at least that's how it works in my dreams
but they're never real...
and it never seems to really work that way